From Babylon through Camelot to Avalon, the Battlebot
Busting out styles from the krush groove catalogue
Idiomatic king of all things radical
Up on it like static cling, fresh mode grammatical
Hardcore furious, game tight and affable
Soundclash bombastic, downright laughable
Baltimore, apple core, who's your best friend y'all?
Shopping for shoes at the west end... mall
Hallmark Sentinel, mental hysteria
Bad rap hotter than Central America
Gentle of character, vicious vocabulary
Nice guy but a bitch of an adversary
Any means necessary, limited time offer
Only while supplies last, internet crime stopper
Spiderman spinneret itinerant webcrawler
Of general interest, inveterate yesh y'aller
. With a fist full of dollars and nonsense
Willing and able from the table of contents
Through to the epilogue and any appendices
MCs never see my friendlier tendencies
Nice guy but a stinker of an enemy
Known to be the number one thinker of the century
Ego will eventually eclipse every orbiting
Satellite. Good call forfeiting the battle!
Mic Controller star studded Granola bar
Red blooded rapping duke, steering by the polar star
Heavy metal meadowlark lemon meringue pie
Hollowed out pride, just an all-around strange guy
Followed outside of the petshop by kittens
No kidding, ciphers get pissed off by my writtens
Freestyle swimrace, coming in last place
Newborn babies give you the gasface
(zu zu zu zu)
Trim the mustache, get plenty of bed rest
There is but one law and the whole of it shall be GET FRESH

Stylized, five miles high with wild eyes
Suggest that I'm not fresh and I'll cry
Sensitive modern man waterboy wondergirl
Part Liz Thigpen, part kingpin of the underworld
Thinking of a master plan with sweaty palms
Landcruisers can't lose the man who's already gone
Steady on, champ, keep your eye on trophies
I run with a hundred percent Hawai'ian Sophies
. And another thing, my posse's on Gottingen, rapping
Flexing and flossing, there's a lot that can happen
Guardian devout, but there's a ghost that haunts you
It's a party in my mouth, and I'll cry if I want to!
One two cheque please, the pimp of the nation
Wizard of Idioteque, Improvisation
This simple dictation runs roughshod over your steno pad
Nice guy but a godfather in Leningrad
I'm able to rock the mic viciously 'cause
I'm Bulletproof, the way Thom Yorke (Wishes He Was)
Jesse never squishes bugs, but insects hide
Nonetheless because he's Fezzik from the Princess Bride
The Friendly Giant, my theme song employs recorders
With patience, my rap destroys the borders of nations
Interactive insurrection, brake at the intersection
Given to introspection and keeping it interesting
Like it's going out of style and the fact is, it seems to be
No-one really understands what it means to me
It's not that I hate or am anti-rap
It's just that most rappers are wack and I stand by that
And the fact we all flip when we hear some dudes are cool
or interesting, that's the exception that proves the rule
New school wreck shop class clown home study
Well versed scholar and I rap like nobody
Hell's worst holler can't strain my vocal cords
High school loser but a baller on the local boards
Lord Rhythm, sporting traditional headdress
I've got my mission and you can't tell me it isn't to get FRESH.

We didn't land on planet rock
Planet rock landed on us!


from Eastern Canadian World Tour 2002, released August 1, 2002
chorus credits as they appear in the text file from 2001:
Mike "dhex" O'Connor, Slunt Records
Gemini Monkey Shoulders, my girl
Sunshine Kid, HPK
Peter Project, Peterpump Records
Jessica Sywyk, #hentaigirls
Ginzu333, The Sentinels
Sandrylene, Tri-Brunchma
Illuminator23, Tri-Brunchma
Maverick, Tri-Brunchma
Clawdia, Tri-Brunchma
Anson, Tri-Brunchma
Medieval Cow, Tri-Brunchma
Eillid, Tri-Brunchma
Poki, Tri-Brunchma

"Planet Rock" shouts:
MC Frank Deluxe, Johnny Hardcore, Thesis Sahib


all rights reserved



rap legend Jesse Dangerously Ottawa, Ontario

Genuine Independent Rap Legend (GIRL)

member of Backburner crew

partially culpable for the nerdcore problem

"Sapphire meets Sappho meets Saafir meets Jonathan Saffron Foer;"
"not the Black Frank White, just the white Frank Black;"
"Wiz Khalifa meets Pat Califia;"
"like Buck 65 but faster and fat."
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